Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
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