I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
