In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I looked at my own cervix.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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