those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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