dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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