Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
