I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize