Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
