Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
