I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize