thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize