If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
