If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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