Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
