Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm both gender and math confused
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