have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
