A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
