Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
