I just pynch a tree in the face
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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