You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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