his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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