The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize