Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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