I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
