You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
