your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
