I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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