Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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