Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
