Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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