man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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