Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
