Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
