it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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