If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
