hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
