Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
