I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
barbara walters just said penis...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
