I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
