Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize