You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize