Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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