i was born a porn star she said
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
