I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
