so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
