Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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