Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
