Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
