I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
