Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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