Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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