I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
splinters make it hard to masturbate
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
