i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
