Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
