My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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