You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He did a backflip because drugs
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
