Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
