The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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