i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
