Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
