Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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