I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
