so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
