Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
