He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My cat gives me a boner
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
