I'm lost and stupid without you.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
