Kiss
Puke
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize