when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
