I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
