Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
